There is an uncomfortable reality at the heart of the Gospel. The good news offers no promise that we will become more prosperous, more attractive, or happier as we follow Jesus. The Gospel message is in fact a reversal of human values, which today's passage from St. John shows clearly. Jesus says his death will be a glorification. He says that people who love their lives, will lose them. He says that if you hope to create more goodness in the world, you can do that by dying. These sayings are counter-intuitive, and they are not inspiring.

And yet the man from Nazareth who is teaching this reversal of values, has attracted the attention of some Greeks. Probably they are God-fearers that is, men who have been coming to the synagogue to study of rabbis and to join in synagogue worship. Many Greeks found the Jewish religion interesting, and participatied in it as much as they could, without taking the big step of being circumcised. They were welcomed, and called "God fearers". These Greeks approached one of the disciples with a Greek name, Philip, to ask for an introduction to Jesus. St. John doesn't tell us whether the Greeks did get to meet Jesus, because when Jesus was told of their desire, he said, "My hour has come". In the Gospel of John, Jesus makes many references in the early chapters to the hour of the Son of Man, which is not yet come but approaching soon. Now in this moment, just when the Greeks want to meet Jesus, he said his hour HAS come.

I can certainly identify with those Greeks. Like them, I was raised and educated in a culture more informed by the rational analysis of Greek philosophy than by the rabbinic midrash of Judaism. Like them, I want to see Jesus. I remember the earliest time in my life, when I was a sophomore in college, that I deliberately said, I want to meet Jesus. Whether I said that sentence only to myself, or it was actually a prayer, I do not remember. I was reading Paul TillichÕs Systematic Theology, and I found his argument convincing. but I had some sketchy idea that commitment to the Christian faith might be a demanding way of life. But I understood that if Tillich was right, I could, theoretically, meet Jesus. That is, if Jesus had been raised from the dead, if Jesus IS the Savior, if Jesus had truly spoken, not only to St. Thomas and St. Paul, but to people alive today, then perhaps I could meet him too.

So at the age of 19, I thought I would like to judge for myself whether I should follow Jesus. I gave my attention increasingly to spiritual matters; I began to attend an Episcopal Eucharist every Friday, and I took courses in the New Testament. After a while, I began to feel a presence now and then, which I thought at first might be my active imagination. But then I discovered that I could not create that sense of presence when I wanted it. It was not under my control. Gradually I came to recognize that presence as divine, and then I began to feel that I was being invited into a relationship with that divine presence. I did not have a particular moment of meeting Jesus at that time. I was not sure then, nor am I now, that it was the God the Son: it may have been God the Creator, or God the Spirit whose presence I sensed. But it was enough; I made my commitment to Christ, and sealed it by being confirmed in the Episcopal Church.

And yet, I still wanted to meet Jesus. As I made retreats, as I went through divinity school, as I explored various forms of ministry, I always hoped that I would have some direct personal experience of Jesus. Because the more I learned about Jesus, and about his teaching, the more mysterious he became. Although we call Jesus our Lord, our Savior, our Redeemer, those titles do not fit this man who healed the lepers, and tried to conceal his identity. Jesus was not a superhero, not a king, and not even a popular leader with a large following. Unlike Moses, he did not lead his people out of their captivity to the Romans. Unlike David, he did not emerge as the rightful king. Unlike Hezekiah, he did not reform the religious practices of Jerusalem. His only use of power was to heal, and most of those he healed were outcasts and sinners.

In the first century, and even more today in the era of satellite TV, and the internet, we are looking, either consciously or unconsciously, for people to admire, people who are attractive and talented, people who are persuasive and powerful. We want leaders who can give us a vision of a better world, and help us create it. Up until this point in the Gospel of John, the principle themes fit that desire: for St. John tells about the sending of the Word, the Son, into the world, and identifies him as the Truth, and the Light shining in the Darkness. Just once in Chapter 10, has Jesus spoken of a saving death, when he said that the good shepherd lays down his life for his sheep. But now, as soon as Jesus said his hour had come, he told his listeners that he is referring to death. "Unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit." This is a metaphor, which depends on his listeners' experience of planting wheat, and on the fact that even wild wheat can yield 50 times the food energy it takes to gather it. He is telling them that he expects to die, and that his death will yield abundant benefits for them.

Then Jesus goes on to clarify his meaning by speaking more directly, without a metaphor. "Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world, will keep it for eternal life." Now we realize he is talking about us, his listeners, and not only about himself. He is articulating the basic spiritual principle which he has been living, and teaching. It is not easy to name this principle because of the many layers of meaning in our language. Let me begin by explaining that two different Greek words in that verse, are both translated "life". The life that is either loved or hated, is yuch, or psyche. Sometimes this word is translated soul, and it means the life energy of the individual which is manifest both in the physical body and in the personality. In itself, the psyche, the soul is good: God chose to create each soul with all the variety of gifts and talents and deficits and personality we know so well. What causes a person who loves their soul to lose it, is the effort to enlarge and control oneÕs life: to get for oneself all the experiences and all the things we desire. Probably we are at greater risk than the people of Jerusalem, because we are surrounded by so much marketing, advertising and opportunity.

The second Greek word which is translated "life" is zwh which is used in the New Testament to mean true life, or sometimes divine life, and often, eternal life. So when Jesus said, those who hate their life (their soul) in this world, will keep it for eternal life (true life), he is drawing a distinction between two kinds or qualities of life. The true life is characterized by giving of oneself to others, and we see this kind of giving in Jesus. St. John emphasized this by saying that Jesus gave "living water" or the water of zwh to the Samaritan woman, and Jesus gave 5000 people the bread of true life that comes down from heaven, and Jesus is the light of zwh true life (8:12), and Jesus will give resurrection and true life to those who believe. Jesus is engaged in giving, not getting; he has compassion on those who are sick or injured, and gives his healing power to them. He is not trying to do anything for himself. As St. John meditated on this self-giving love of Jesus, he realized that the giving of Jesus fit the pattern of the Creator's giving. It is the nature of God to give to the creation, the very best God has to give, namely the Beloved Son. Likewise, it is the nature of the Son to give all of his love, his teaching and his healing power to the people who would receive it. That giving of love and of self may or may not be recognized and honored by those who receive it. And even when it is recognized, it may be perceived as a threat by those who wish to gather to themselves as much power and status and property and knowledge as possible.

Therefore it follows that the person who is not bound by their possessions or their position or their ego, the person who trusts the self-giving God, will have true life right now, and when that person dies, he or she will be the grain of wheat that is sown in the earth, and brings forth much fruit. And yet it is absolutely crucial to make it clear that Jesus is NOT telling us to hate ourselves: he is merely using strong language to make his point. He is telling us that we cannot be our own saviors, we cannot earn our way to heaven, and we cannot make ourselves good. He is saying, LET GO of those projects. Throw aside all that you have learned about making a name for yourself. Shift your attention to the people around you who need the care, and interest, and compassion and food and teaching and guidance you have to give.

And it is also crucial to say that this letting-go, this not-clinging-to-life, is not some achievement we can do by effort of will. We can desire it, we can set out in search of it. and we can ask God for it; yet only God can change our hearts in this way. I believe this is exactly what Jeremiah was saying in our first lesson today: that when there is an inward turning to God, God responds by writing on our hearts the words of true life.